Monthly Archives: August 2012

Dildocam update

Hi all,

So scan number 2 showed progress & was generally positive. I now have 13 follicles. The largest is 18mm so it’s grown 4mm in 48 hours! The clinic like to get 3 follicles to 17mm & then they trigger so it seems I’ll probably loose the biggest and go with the ones that are close behind.

Despite 13 follicles, they think that only 6 will be mature upon collection, which is disappointing but ok. That is six chances to get pregnant and I’ve never had one chance before!

They want me back for another scan on Sunday morning with a view to triggering that day & having a Tuesday egg collection. It’s all moving so fast! I guess that’s why they call it the short protocol!

I would be so ecstatic at this news if it wasn’t for 3 silly little things that they said/ did. It kind of reads like a list of things that you don’t want to experience when in the middle of an IVF cycle:

1. The first thing that she said when she’d found an ovary was “You know about your cysts, don’t you?” Erm… I DO NOW! She then back tracked and said that they’re not causing a problem, they’re only small and they’re on my left ovary – the one that only had 2 small follies on Wednesday. Well those follicles have grown and more follicles have been “recruited” so it looks like cysty or not it’s not a big issue & we are go!

2. My doc had originally said that they wanted to scan me and do a blood test on day 5 so I booked in for the scan & at the end of it I asked the doctor where I go for the bloodtest and she said very confidently that they don’t do bloodtests. She said it so confidently that I didn’t argue. I always argue! I had been up since 5am & was tired and sleepy and just went with it. Today on day 7 as a result of my cysts the doc who scanned me today said that they wanted to do a blood test. The nurse who administered the bloodtest asked if it was my day 5 bloodtest, I had to tell her that no it was actually day 7. Then, I noticed a sign on the back of her door referring to day 5 bloodtests. Why did I just let that first idiot doctor convince me that they “don’t do them”?!

3. The second thing that the doc said after entering my hoo-hah, dropping the cyst bomb & applying far too much pressure to be good for me, was “have you had a history of endometriosis?” WTF?!?! 2 years of appointments with fertility specialists, at least 6 separate ultrasounds done by different people, an HSG & a hysteroscopy & no one has ever mentioned endo, although I have often wondered myself as I have very painful periods. Now the cysts hadn’t dawned on me. Even though my doc had mentioned that he suspected PCOS I’d never really believed him or worried about it apart from a potential to suffer from OHSS. How is now an appropriate time to decide I may have endo?! I assume if this cycle is unsuccessful we’ll schedule a lap – oh joy!!

I must snap out of this negative headspace though as today has been good news. Always one to try to prove people wrong, I am now determined to get more than 6 mature eggs.

I’ve cancelled my Saturday plans and I’m going to chill with a book/DVD & distract my over active brain for the next 48hours. And who knows? I may well end up administering the trigger shot from a toilet at the Paralympics on Sunday evening!! Classy!!!

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Another date with dildocam

Hey ladies,

I’m on the train to my latest scan on day 7 of stims. I had my first scan on day 5. There were 7 follicles: 5 on the right, with the largest measuring 14mm and then 2 small ones on the left. I didn’t get the measurements on any of the others. I was originally told that I was going in for a scan and bloodtest but then when I got there the doc said that they don’t normally do blood tests, which I thought was weird but I went with it. She said that she wanted to see me again in 2 days time and that she expected a lot to happen in 2 days.

They kept my gonal F injection at the same low dosage of 112.5iu & told me to start cetrotide injections, which are nowhere near as fun as Gonal F, although today is my third day on cetrotide and I think I have finally mastered it!

What I hadn’t anticipated was the rush of emotions that I would feel at the scan. As soon as she said we had follicles I was on the verge of happy tears. She showed me the right ovary first and when there were 5 there I nearly burst with happiness. I have been really concerned about OHSS so I was so pleased that I didn’t have too many. I was also worried about not responding as I was on such a low dose of Gonal F but 5 follicles on one ovary felt like a really positive number. Then she switched to the left side and showed me the 2 small follicles and I was immediately disappointed. Obviously 7 is a great number and once I left the room I felt really happy but in there it was such a rollercoaster of emotions that I had not prepared myself for.

This morning I am much more prepared for it and I am excited to see how much growth there has been, if a little nervous! I am hoping that they will start to estimate egg retrieval dates today as the not knowing is killing me!

I’ve got my first acupuncture appt since I started this cycle and I can’t wait to see her, I’ve been seeing her regularly for 16months now and she is so kind and lovely. I know that no matter what they say at the scan, she will make me happy, relaxed and positive by the time I leave the room.

I’ll report back after my scan. Wish me luck! X

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Sometimes laughing helps

Hey everybody,

DH and I went out for dinner last night and somehow we got to talking about all of the funny things that have happened along this crazy TTC journey.

We decided after muchos hilarity that our favourite TTC moment was when I tried softcups. I went to sleep with one in and got up in the morning & tried to remove it and I couldn’t get enough purchase to get the thing out! I tried and tried and got really panicked and a bit sore. I ran into the bedroom and woke him up and was a bit teary asking him to remove it. He was horrified and went on YouTube & searched “removing softcups” & told me I needed to “bare down” like I was doing a poo. I did this and then could take it out really easily. Then we both fell about giggling for ages and I was late for work. Smoooooth.

Anyone else got any delightful TTC stories that you can look back and laugh at? I have tonnes. One day I will tell you about the world’s most horrifying smear test.

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I am a badass infertile ninja warrior

This morning I injected myself with 112.5IU of Gonal F. It was a piece of cake. I went back to bed and slept for another 2.5 hours and then got up and went swimming LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. This is a piece of cake. I can totally do this. And if this cycle is unsuccessful I know that I will do another cycle armed with the lessons learned in this cycle whatever they may be. If I keep saying that it is a piece of came maybe someone will bring me some cake. I am craving cake. I promised my husband I would cut out the junk food while cycling. Today is day one of my junk food ban and I always find the first day the hardest.

The biggest lesson that Infertility has taught me in the nearly 3 years of struggling with it is that the anticipation of everything is worse than the reality. I was shaking like a leaf this morning but as soon as the needle was in my numb, iced skin I knew that I could totally do this. And I have all of this long weekend to get used to it before I need to throw getting ready for work into the mix.

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Day one of my first ever IVF cycle

So yesterday the “feeling in my gut” (literally) was “spot” on (I need to get out more!). Today is CD1 so I ate my last chocolate treat and I savoured it. I washed it down with some ibuprofen and embraced the cramps. Tomorrow, even though it’s a Saturday I will set my alarm for 6am. I will calmly ice a spot on my lower abdomen – any recommendations for where hurts less? – and when it’s reasonably numb I will wipe an alcohol swap on it & wait for it to dry as I hear that it can sting if you don’t. Once I’ve finished procrastinating I will then stick myself with 112.5 of Gonal F.

From what a quick google search tells me, Gonal F seems to be relatively symptom free and easy to handle and they have put me on a very low dose to avoid OHSS. People take 3 times my dose and are relatively symptom free so that’s good news. I’ll go in for my day 5 scan to see how I’m responding & at that point if we need to up the dose then so be it. I would definitely start low and up it if needed. When I took clomid my progesterone level went from 20.1 to 173 in one month, I know that my body is capable of doing this.

My scan appt is booked in for 7am on Weds next week and it’s only 25 mins on the tube from my work so in theory I won’t even be late for work as I start at 8am. If I’m a little late I can just blame the trains.

Is this really finally happening? I am excited. My plan between now and Wednesday is to distract myself with a combination of fun activities and lots of rest as I’m really tired and I need to catch up on some sleep. So right now Wednesday is my focus. One tiny step at a time on the “road to our baby”. If this cycle doesn’t work I don’t want to think that it was because I didn’t rest enough or because I ate too much junk food and those are both things that I can control so I’m going to do my best right now and I’ll keep you posted. Xxx

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Cramp cramp cramp

Today I have mostly been cramping and pooing, which generally means one thing: tomorrow will be CD1. I won’t count my chickens until they’ve hatched, this may drag on for another day before it really gets going, but if I was a betting kind of girl I’d put a tenner on tomorrow being the day.

This will be brilliant timing if it works as the first 3 days of injections would be on days when I don’t have work as Monday next week is a bank holiday in the UK. In theory I will know what I’m doing by Tuesday & I shouldn’t be a mad panic in the morning. IN THEORY.

That would make Wednesday 29th my first scan appointment as the doc said he wanted to see me on my 5th day of stimming despite the paperwork saying that I wouldn’t get a scan until day 9! I’ve decided that my story for that scan is going to be a dentists appointment as we’ve recently gotten dental cover through work so it’s very believable.

I have acupuncture on Friday 31st, which I’m already looking forward to. DH has an appointment that morning too. I’m really pleased with him for having acupuncture as he doesn’t like needles and he’s not a big believer in alternative therapies but he came along to a session I had on my birthday in December last year and he really liked the lady & she showed him the needles & stuff & he has had a couple of appointments since then.

I don’t spend much time being grateful for my husband but this week he has decided he’s going to get into the routine of giving me a footrub in bed every night before I go to sleep to help with any pre-IVF anxiety – how cute is that?! And when I met him on the train home last night he had these with him

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So right now I’m feeling grateful, excited, and crampy!!

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Spot, spot, spotting… When is day one day one?!

Hey guys,

TMI WARNING

So, I’ve been spotting for 3 days. Not just your average normal person spotting but full-on bright red & clotty spotting. “How do you know that it’s not AF?” I hear you cry, “because my body is fcuked up, this happens a lot, and I don’t actually know that it’s not AF, I’m just assuming that it’s not as I haven’t had any AF like pains yet” I reply. I am assuming that tomorrow the spotting will tailor off and then on Friday I will be bleed-free and worried that I’ve missed my period and have to wait another month and then BAM I’ll come on on Saturday and commence stabbing on Sunday. We’ll see.

I’m desperate to get started now. It has been hanging over me for 13 months. There has been so much uncertainty and worry and I’m finally going to find out how I respond to stims and what quality my eggs will be.

I’m going to book a week off work from the day of egg collection so I need to come on so that I can work out when that is going to be. I’m suddenly feeling very excited and nervous and emotional. Bring it on!!!

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Filed under The countdown to IVF #1