Remember when everything wasn’t shit?

You don’t? Me neither. Sometimes I remember it a little bit, but then a pregnant lady walks past (why do they follow me around these days?!) and everything is soon shit again.

I was telling the hubster about a conversation I’d had with my therapist where I’d said that I felt like this had fundamentally changed me & how I used to be so extroverted but now I’m happiest in the bath with a good book & she said that it hasn’t changed who I am, it’s just made me sad, which will pass. He then said that he thinks it has changed us as we used to think we were invincible & now we don’t & we used to be so carefree and now we’re not. *sigh*

In other news, my cyst is indeed endometrial, so it is endometriosis. Hubs has to go for another SA in the next week & then we go for our WTF follow up to discuss next steps in 2 weeks.

My therapist told me to let my hair down so I did. My first day back in the office after 2 weeks signed off sick I made a couple of guys in my team go for a drink to fill me in on what I’d missed while I was away. A bottle of Rose later & no dinner & I threw up on the train home. Not in the toilet, just on the floor (and my shoe). That wasn’t the end of it though. Years of infertility has removed my ability to process alcohol as my body is so temple-like (Pah!) so I made it to work the next day but threw up repeatedly throughout the morning & even took a 10min power nap on the floor of the disabled toilet. A new low? I think so.

Happy Halloween & I hope all you NYCers are safe x


Filed under IVF #1 - the aftermath

7 responses to “Remember when everything wasn’t shit?

  1. Kim

    I totally understand where you are coming from. I too have hit the bottle a few times since our failed IVF. I am not proud of it but you do what you have to. We are only human. The fact that you are still standing after all you have been through shows to me that you are a strong person and you can make it through. (Not counting the sleeping by the toilet. Ha ha.) Hangovers are the worst!

  2. Wine is my friend. The friend who greets me with open arms and makes me smile…then kicks my ass if I get too greedy.

  3. Wine is the best sympathy buddy!!

  4. idioticinfertility

    Aw, hon. Bummer about the up chuck on the train.

    But: I think infertility does change you. It’s mening may evolve as the years pass, bu nobody gets through this unscathed.

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