Crappy doctors appointments, super-fertile people, and my mid life crisis

Hello beautiful bloggy buddies, I have been putting off updating since my follow up WTF meeting as writing about things makes them more real somehow. To recap, at our initial WTF meeting the doc said that she thought that the cyst on my left ovary that stopped them collecting any eggs on that side wasn’t in fact endometrial, she thought it was a straight forward haemorrhagic cyst. She was also impressed with the SA on the day of retrieval as the count had increased from 4m to 37m & so she sent us away with homework: I was to have a follow up scan to decide if the cyst was endometrial or not – if it was still the same size a month later then it is endometrial, as they are persistent, unlike haemorrhagic cysts, which come & go. The hubster was to have some fun with himself again & they were going to do a “swim-up test” to see if a “spontaneous pregnancy” is likely… HA! As if I could spontaneously get pregnant!!

Long story short the doc smashed our hopes when she said that actually my cyst is endometrial & the SA only had a count of 9m this time. Once they applied a gradient to the 9m little dudes to see if they could swim uphill that 9m became “occasional motile sperm”. She reassured me that this meant that there would be enough to perform ICSI… I had NEVER considered that there wouldn’t be… Until now!

I had to BEG to be referred for a laparoscopy as the doc said that endo doesn’t interfere with IVF so there was no point… bitch, please?! I’m waiting for the letter now so that I can get that all booked in, I’m expecting it to take a while.

The weather here is gloomy and miserable, like my face, and to make my Monday morning all the more sunny I got 2 pregnancy announcements within 20mins of each other this morning. The first was an old work colleague. I should have replied congratulating her, instead I hit delete. She got married in April THIS YEAR for gods sake!! Shortly after this my HR director – you know, the one that I poured my guts out to on my return from the failed cycle? -emailed me to let me know that she’s pregnant, that she had her 12 week scan last week & that she didn’t want me to hear through anyone else. I thought that that was thoughtful & tried not to think too much about how far gone she would have been when I bared my broken soul to her.

All of this doom and gloom is giving me all sorts of crazy ideas to brighten up my life. I worry that I am at the start of a mid life crisis. In fact I’m pretty sure that that is where I am heading. I spend a lot of time fantasising about handing in my notice and doing something exciting. I want to be envied, not pitied, which I’m pretty sure makes me a bad person. Hey ho, bad people seem to have no problem making babies so that’s something to look forward to.

I will snap out of this moany place, but for tonight I am wallowing. Feel free to join me! X

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6 Comments

Filed under IVF #1 - the aftermath

6 responses to “Crappy doctors appointments, super-fertile people, and my mid life crisis

  1. i love how honest you are, damn right i wanna be selfish and dramatic and wild crazy sometimes, too!

    sorry you’re appt was such a bust. headed to see our RE tmrw, although the circumstances are different i’m hoping the same end result will be that he’s cooperative. but i’m realistc enough to know it may very well be a wtf appt as you would say (love that!)

  2. Oh honey, it’s like I could have written half your post. Pretty much everything except the endometrial cyst and motility parts, so I grant you, you’ve got me there.

    I wish there weren’t a sizable ocean between us.

  3. On reading this I just saw WTF as What The Fuck! Which probably sums it up really. For some of us the news gets worse and its hard to cling onto hope. But cling onto it we do. The day I got my menopause diagnosis last week I also got an email from a good friend asking how my appointment went. She was due to give birth at any moment. I’m happy for her and love her but want to disappear from Facebook until she gets over all the newborn shots. Go ahead and wallow! WTF shouldn’t we!

    • Oh it’s totally what the fuck!! Wallowing rocks, as long as it’s for a finite period of time. This weekend I’ve lived off of chocolate milkshakes and The Vampire Diaries. It’s my guilty pleasure. I could totally run away with Ian Somerhalder, he is perfect! Having indulged my inner sulky sleepyhead all weekend I can face a full week of Xmas shenanigans quite happily, I hope you can too xxx

  4. Too right! We can cry, we can vent, we can hate, but we keep going. It ain’t over till the fat lady sings 🙂

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