Two pregnancy announcements, two reactions

I was numb to my news, I blogged about that numbness and less than 24 hours later I was sobbing about it. It really is an emotional roller coaster this infertility lark. The floodgates opened and it all came pouring out. I was given the diagnosis on Monday afternoon and then I had a very busy week at work. On Saturday and Sunday I had far too much alone time, which meant that I had to really face how I was feeling. It turned out I was not feeling too great.

D had just calmed me down when I felt my iphone vibrate in my pocket. I took it out and would you believe it there was a 12 week scan photo staring back at me. Needless to say the iPhone was thrown across the bedroom and the sobbing started again. The scan pic belonged to a guy friend from our circle, one of the last few childless couples. Bad timing.

And then this evening I am home alone again after another busy day in the office. I checked my reader to see that Kim has got her BFP. I could not be happier. I think that this is Kim’s 5th cycle (2x fresh, 3x frosty).

I am going to use my happiness for Kim to send my friend a congratulatory text as I can’t quite muster up the genuine happiness for him just yet. It will come with time though, it always does. It just takes longer than it used to now that I’ve been stuck here for so long.

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9 Comments

Filed under IVF #1 - the aftermath

9 responses to “Two pregnancy announcements, two reactions

  1. Kim

    Aww thanks! You have me tearing up. Yes, it was my 5th cycle. It has been a hard road with many, many tears. I KNOW you will get your BFP too! It just takes a lot of resilience, patience and lots of wine šŸ™‚

  2. gradualchanges

    Oh turtle… I’m sending you hugs…. You have every right to be able to grieve and express your sadness, frustration and anger at your situation. Infertility sucks.This is easily the biggest challenge of my life. Sometimes we have to compartmentalize and put those feelings away in order to function and go to work and do the things we need to do. Other times we need to wallow and really feel those feelings. Give yourself permission to do so and give your DH a warning ;-). Remember that the hard days end each night and hang in there.

  3. Oh, hon. I’m sorry for everything. I really am.

    I wish there were something reassuring I could say that would take away this frustration and grief from all of our lives, but there isn’t. Instead, I wish you strength as you move forward in finding the right treatment.

    • Thank you, I got my referral letter today so I’m expecting an appointment letter in the next 6 weeks to get things started. I’ve also just booked 12 nights on a desert island. I NEED it.

  4. I’m so sorry. You are in a really hard spot right now. I’m thinking of you and hoping that the next treatment is the right one. Also, I think it’s very natural to feel more instantly happy for other infertiles (who also represent hope for us). The fertile people remind us of our sadness and failures. I agree that it’s okay to take all the time you need to process all your emotions.

  5. Please have a look at my blog I am currently going through my first cycle of IVF with ICSI

    http://peainapodblog.wordpress.com

    Best of Luck with everything,
    Lauren

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