Pumpkin Smackdown 2013 – the Results Show!!!

It’s the moment that you’ve all been waiting for, the highlight of the year, the reason you got out of bed this morning. I am about to announce the winners of the #IFPumpkinSmackdown 2013!

If you don’t know what I’m talking about (Who are you? Where have you been?!) you can read all about it here and you can read about some of the awesome prizes on offer here and here.

This totally awesome competition was the brain child of Barren Betty and Fertility Doll and I am honoured to have been named “Grand High Judge and Priestess”.

There were 36 entries in total… yep, you read that right, thirty six. Each and every single entry was absolutely brilliant. I hope that you all had as much fun carving them as I did judging. If you haven’t seen Betty’s post from last night, which showcased all 36 entries with some hilarious commentary from BB and FD, head on over there now. I’ll wait… No really, go and have a look.

When I saw the entries start to roll in I knew I would need to enlist the help of my family as my decision making skills are non-existent. So, without further ado, I give to you our verdict:

1. Lamest Pumpkin

This category sounded like a laugh and a joke at first but when it came to judging there just weren’t any lame pumpkins. Until…

infertility, pumpkin, endometriosis, ivf
@subfertilechick‘s entry made the whole Turtle family laugh out loud… but it’s a pretty lame pumpkin!

2. WTF Award

This was a very competitive category. @cantchoosewhen‘s entry is undeniably awesome. But it’s blue. And it has shoes. And wings. And a plaster on it’s head. And you can’t put a candle in it. So WTF is it? Art. That’s what. Art that gets a prize for making us all smile.

infertility, ivf, pumpkin

3. Best Infertility / Fertility Pumpkin Award

Again, this category was soooooo strong, it was almost impossible to choose. You’ll notice that the remaining categories are all won by infertility-related pumpkins. You guys have some mad carving skills but what you really excelled at was the back stories. And with that I give to you The Mutant Uterus:

infertility, pumpkin, ivf, mutant uterus

For those that didn’t see the backstory on this one, hop over to Eli’s blog post and check it out. Bring it indeed.

4. Best expression in show

This category came down to 2 pumpkins with awesome facial expressions. It was neck and neck. In the end Betty’s pumpkin pipped the other entry to the post due to the fact that she had sculpted her current mental state. I think we’ve all felt like this in those painfully long gaps between appointments and treatment:

infertility, ivf, pumpkin

Good work Betty, picking a category you knew you could win. Clever.

5. Almost won award

Picking this pumpkin took about 95% of our time last night. We narrowed it down to 10 and then Mr Turtle devised a complex scoring system a bit like the Formula One that he thought would help. It didn’t. Instead it got my dad ranting about how we could end up with a first place that none of us were individually that bothered about. I managed to steer him away from the route he was obviously about to go down re politics & philosophy and back to the drawing board we went. We narrowed it down again & got to the last 4 pumpkins. At this point we had to facetime a friend of my sister’s & get her in on the action. When I didn’t agree with her I decided as Grand High Judge and Priestess that her vote didn’t count anyway. She isn’t even a part of the Turtle family. I rudely ended the conversation before she steered it onto the cute kitty that she’d bought that day and we moved on. The winning pumpkin was the only pumpkin to get 2 first place votes (me and my dad, the philosopher) it’s infertility related, and it is beautiful:

infertility, ivf, pumpkin

@Theinfernalone‘s entry is beautifully carved and seriously awesome. Check out the backstory here.

And finally…

*drum roll*

…What you’ve all been waiting for…

The Grand Winner of Pumpkin Smackdown 2013 is…

*cut to commercial break*

*cut back to me, Immotile Turtle, dressed in a sparkly red dress with a plunging neckline & far too much boob on show*

As I was saying, the Grand Winner of Pumpkin Smackdown 2013 is


infertility, ivf, pumpkin

You need to click that link. There is a whole storyboard. It starts off cutesy and light with a video & pictures of her nieces and nephews and then BAM picture 4 hits you right in the face. At this point in the judging my sister burst out crying and couldn’t reign it back in for a minute or two. I’m pretty sure my dad’s eyes were moist. That 4th picture is the story of each and every one of us here at some point in our lives, we’ve all been there, we all know how much it hurts and we all just want our little Pumkinis. Congratulations to @NewtoIVF, a worthy winner.

Well done you guys, this was totally amazing, and such a brilliant way to spend Halloween.

Betty is off on her holibobs now but will be in touch to arrange prizes on her return. Enjoy!


Filed under FUN

27 responses to “Pumpkin Smackdown 2013 – the Results Show!!!

  1. Totes agree, they were all pretty fantastic. Glad you asserted your power in Casa Turtle hun. Nice judging! xx

  2. Reblogged this on barrenbetty and commented:
    The results are in!!!! What a show! Thank you Turtle Grand High Judge and Priestess and also thanks to Turtle’s judging committee board. A post about the prizes shall be forthcoming from me once I’ve calmed down tomorrow. Well done everyone!!!

  3. Oh my fucking God! Ha! I’ve never won anything and my friends and family WILL NOT believe I won something for being creative! Thank you so much, I am truly over the moon. I want to thank my DH, friends, family, my Twitter family, my blog family, my agent, god…. Oh no they’re playing the music to get rid of me…. and of course the biggest thank you to Barren Betty and Fertility Doll for organising this. It’s been such a great distraction in the otherwise shitty world of IF. And last but not least, a massive thank you to you for judging. It must have been so so difficult to decide and I honestly can’t believe you picked me! You’re clearly an amazing judge 😉

  4. OMG OMG OMG… I almost won. I ALMOST WON!!!!
    I’d like to thank the academy (BB, FD and the most wonderful Turtle Family), my gorgeous husband, and the supermarket that only had rancid rotten pumpkins left. It turns out they were winning rancid pumpkins!

    Seriously, this competition has been so awesome. Such a wonderful distraction – and got me carving my first ever pumpkin!

    Huge congrats to NewtoIVF… a worthy victor xxx
    And everyone who entered did such an amazing job – I’m so glad I wasn’t asked to judge!

  5. dogsarentkids

    I completely understand I didn’t win because my awesomeness is just too great, it would be entirely unfair to everyone else. This seems like the right choice. Must keep me humble.

    Congrats to all the winners!

  6. Reblogged this on hellsbellsbaby2013's Blog and commented:
    Amazing competition! Well done everyone – I certainly wouldn’t want to judge that!

  7. I love this post so bad. Well judged Turtle and Turtle Family Committee!! Obviously, I say that mostly cos I won something… Even though I’m pretty sure FD, turtle and I agreed we couldn’t win something. Oh my god, I am THAT GOOD. I secretly knew it all along. I’d like to thank everyone who supported and helped me during my carving… So a massive, massive heartfelt thanks to MYSELF! You are a total legend x

  8. eli

    Reblogged this on Eli's Corner and commented:
    Stop the presses!! My Mutant Uterus pumpkin has won the coveted “Best Infertility / Fertility Related Pumpkin Award” in the highly competitive Pumpkin Smackdown 2013!!! I am overwhealmed. I would like to thank Immotileturtle and her family for bestowing this honor upon me and Barren Betty and Fertility Doll for creating a space for this kind of work. I would also like to thank my fellow nominees, by whose work I am both humbled and honored. Finally, I would like to thank my uterus for inspiring this piece, as well as my husband who looked at it, grimaced and said “I can see how this is funny, but this is not at all my sense of humor” but was genuinely pleased (perhaps shocked) on my behalf upon learning of this victory. A big congratulations goes out to overall winner, NewtoIVF for her heartbreaking and clever Pumkina, as well as Subfertile Chick, You Can’t Choose When, Barren Betty and The Infernal One for your well-deserved victories in your respective categories. I’m off to the after party, bitches!

  9. Pingback: Pumpkin Smackdown 2013 – the Results Show!!! | Eli's Corner

  10. dogsarentkids

    Reblogged this on Dogs Aren't Kids and commented:
    Pumpkins, watermelons, tomatoes, oh my! Good job carvers. May your heads not get as big as your pumpkins.

  11. Awww, the last one made me cry! I just cried over a pumpkin. Yes, I did.

  12. Reblogged this on Fertility Doll and commented:
    If you haven’t already been spammed by Turtle and Betty’s feed and you’re dying to know the winners of #IFPumpkinsmackdown then this post is for you.

    Congratulations to all the contenders because I believe you all just participated in the first ever infertiles pumpkin carving competition! Who knew that we could be trusted with knives and have so much fun when it was Halloween and a time when it’s about the one thing we don’t have?? Three cheers for YOU all.

    Now I’m over to write my Jerry Springer speech.

  13. Great choices! I love all of these pumpkins. And the cherry tomato. Especially the cherry tomato. I expect acceptance speeches!!!

  14. Thanks for judging. Congrats to the winners! I’m just thrilled I got to compete. As I said before we were on holiday and when we were leaving on Friday morning our neighbours saw the carved butternut and asked if they could take it home. So I got to spread some more Halloween cheer in deepest darkest Africa 😉

  15. Reblogged this on Preparing for a B-Squirt and commented:
    I didn’t win a prize, but after seeing all the competition I’m not surprised. But here is the result show with links to the back stories etc.

  16. What a great group of people, talent, fun, and energy. Congratulations to everyone who participated! And thank you to all of the pumpkins, watermelons and cherry tomatoes for letting us decorate you.

  17. Fantastic! Loved all of these- you all are amazing! Thank you for making me smile and cry all at once!

  18. I love this. What fun you guys are super talented. My pumpkins always end up looking like frumpy messes!

  19. I’m pretty sure #3 is MY uterus. Like, for realz.

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