Category Archives: The countdown to IVF #1

Cramp cramp cramp

Today I have mostly been cramping and pooing, which generally means one thing: tomorrow will be CD1. I won’t count my chickens until they’ve hatched, this may drag on for another day before it really gets going, but if I was a betting kind of girl I’d put a tenner on tomorrow being the day.

This will be brilliant timing if it works as the first 3 days of injections would be on days when I don’t have work as Monday next week is a bank holiday in the UK. In theory I will know what I’m doing by Tuesday & I shouldn’t be a mad panic in the morning. IN THEORY.

That would make Wednesday 29th my first scan appointment as the doc said he wanted to see me on my 5th day of stimming despite the paperwork saying that I wouldn’t get a scan until day 9! I’ve decided that my story for that scan is going to be a dentists appointment as we’ve recently gotten dental cover through work so it’s very believable.

I have acupuncture on Friday 31st, which I’m already looking forward to. DH has an appointment that morning too. I’m really pleased with him for having acupuncture as he doesn’t like needles and he’s not a big believer in alternative therapies but he came along to a session I had on my birthday in December last year and he really liked the lady & she showed him the needles & stuff & he has had a couple of appointments since then.

I don’t spend much time being grateful for my husband but this week he has decided he’s going to get into the routine of giving me a footrub in bed every night before I go to sleep to help with any pre-IVF anxiety – how cute is that?! And when I met him on the train home last night he had these with him

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So right now I’m feeling grateful, excited, and crampy!!

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Spot, spot, spotting… When is day one day one?!

Hey guys,

TMI WARNING

So, I’ve been spotting for 3 days. Not just your average normal person spotting but full-on bright red & clotty spotting. “How do you know that it’s not AF?” I hear you cry, “because my body is fcuked up, this happens a lot, and I don’t actually know that it’s not AF, I’m just assuming that it’s not as I haven’t had any AF like pains yet” I reply. I am assuming that tomorrow the spotting will tailor off and then on Friday I will be bleed-free and worried that I’ve missed my period and have to wait another month and then BAM I’ll come on on Saturday and commence stabbing on Sunday. We’ll see.

I’m desperate to get started now. It has been hanging over me for 13 months. There has been so much uncertainty and worry and I’m finally going to find out how I respond to stims and what quality my eggs will be.

I’m going to book a week off work from the day of egg collection so I need to come on so that I can work out when that is going to be. I’m suddenly feeling very excited and nervous and emotional. Bring it on!!!

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Say wha?!

Yesterday, spurred on by my list of things to do before IVF, I filled in the mountain of paperwork that I need to take to my appointment on Thursday.

I found a rough timetable in this pile and it turns out that I get my first ultrasound scan on day 9 of my cycle. Whaaaat?!

I am sure that most private cycles come with a lot more monitoring? I am obviously hugely grateful to not have to pay for this cycle but I am afraid that I will end up either massively over-stimulated or barely responding at all. By day 9 I will have been stimming for 8 solid days with no monitoring. Yikes!

I’m adding a couple of new questions to my list of questions including “can I have an earlier scan please?!”.

At least I won’t have to worry about having any time off work until September!!

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Things to do before IVF nĂºmero uno

I am totally stealing this idea from someone else’s blog but I liked it. So, as it’s less than 3 weeks (sh!t!!) until I get started here are some things that I am going to do in order to chill myself out & get mentally prepared:

  • Join a new gym. My current one is scabby and it doesn’t have a pool. The new one is twice as expensive and 3 times nicer – which is more bang for your buck as far as I am concerned.
  • Go to said new gym 3 times a week & swim lots as I can still do that throughout my ivf journey & pregnancy if I should be so lucky.
  • Go for at least one long walk somewhere pretty with DH, take photos & upload at least one pic to here as proof that I did it!
  • Spend a morning at the weekend reading a newspaper. Just reading a newspaper. Not a free newspaper full of sensationalised rubbish, but a good one with quality journalism in it. I will not do this while waiting for the washing machine to finish a cycle, I will simply be reading, no multitasking.
  • Fill in my IVF paperwork BEFORE THE DAY OF THE APPOINTMENT, I am incredibly adept at leaving boring things until the last minute and stressing myself out. Not this time!
  • Go out for dinner with my husband’s new boss who seems lovely and his girlfriend. Because I am nosey and I love making new friends and THEY DON’T HAVE CHILDREN YET. Plus it’s inevitable that this is going to happen soon so it’s better that it happens before I’m an emotional nutjob!
  • Tidy my spare room. Our house flooded last year and we had to put everything into storage and move out while the insurance company fixed it up. My spare room is where boxes that I can’t face unpacking and sorting through go to die. They are piled very high. I am allergic to dust. Every attempt at this so far has involved me giving up within the hour, but I want a nice, calm, tidy house for when this is all happening.
  • Go to Yoga twice a week. There is an amazing yoga studio 2 mins from my office and they do 45minute classes at lunchtime. I bought a 10 class pass 3 months ago; it’s still got 7 classes left on it. Must try harder!
  • Write a list of questions for my IVF appt on Thursday. If there is one thing that NHS IVF docs are great at it’s rushing you and making you feel like you shouldn’t be asking a question. I will write this list and I will stand my ground and get all of my queries answered.
  • Spend a weekend in Rome with my husband eating and drinking and sightseeing and laughing. I fly out on Friday and back the following Monday and I cannot wait.
  • Go to acupuncture and RELAX.
  • Get into the routine of getting up early enough to inject myself before leaving for work.
  • Get into the routine of going to bed early enough to make the above point possible.
  • Get my hair cut. It got really thin and flat when I was on clomid and now it’s starting to thicken out again I need to get it cut regularly to encourage the thickening, especially as it’s probably going to fall out again pretty soon!

Once I say that I’m going to do something I’m pretty good at doing it. You are all witnesses to this list now. I’d better get out of bed now or I’ll never go to bed early enough this evening!

Enjoy your Sundays x

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It’s August, which means I’m starting IVF #1 THIS MONTH

F**k!

Time is no longer linear. It either draaaaaaaaags or it flies by. And right now it is seriously flying by. Soon I’ll be starting this thing that has been hanging over me ever since we got the male factor diagnosis in July last year. I know that I can do this, but that doesn’t mean that I want to.

What is everyone planning to tell their work about time off for scans etc? I need some inspiration!! I was going to tell my work but then my colleague got pregnant so in my mid year review my boss told me I’m not allowed to get pregnant until she gets back from maternity leave in July next year *awkward*.

How long are you all planning to have off post transfer? How are you handling the waiting? I could do with some tips for relaxation techniques that don’t include wine or chocolate!! Yoga and acupuncture rock my world but I definitely relax better with a 150g bar of green & blacks almond chocolate mmmmmmmmmmm.

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It’s nearly time!!

So, I have my IVF co-ordination appt on 9th August and right now I am trying to pass the time in the quickest way possible. I’ve stayed away from the blog as I had 5 friends announce their pregnancies in one week and I kind of lost my mojo temporarily, but I’m back and getting very excited now. I should be ready to commence stabbing in 3-4 weeks *smiles nervously*

I have watched all 4 series of True Blood that are out on DVD in the UK whilst sulking about my stupid, fertile friends and i am a little bit in love with Alexander Skaarsgard. Is it weird to watch people on the TV and think to yourself “i bet they’re fertile”? *sigh* you don’t need to answer, i know it’s weird.

DH has booked a weekend in Rome for straight after the co-ordination appt so I can’t wait for that, it gives me something slightly less daunting to look forward to. I probably won’t even be spotting at that point in my cycle so who knows, maybe I’ll get pregnant – pah!!!

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How much hope is too much?

I like having goals: something to work towards; something to tick off; something to count down to; something to make sure that your life stays on track & that everything works out as planned. That makes me sound far more organised than I actually am, but countdowns are my thing.

It’s 2 weeks tomorrow until my IVF appointment at the hospital. It would seem that counting down to this isn’t enough for my baby-obsessed brain and I am spending my spare time (what’s that? Oh, it’s the time that i spend at my desk not doing my job) wondering when I will actually commence the stabbing. Then once I’ve started to wonder that I can’t help but start to calculate the month that my potential spawn would be born. Then I panic and scold myself for getting carried away and worry that the little glimmer of hope that I might actually be a mother next year, will have somehow jinxed the outcome of the IVF cycle. It’s like if I believe that it might happen, then it won’t happen.

So, my question is is there such a thing as too much hope? Am I just setting myself up for a fall if I believe that I might be a mother next year? I like to be a positive person but this whole TTC thang has well and truly sucked my happiness reserves dry and it takes all my strength to simply smile some days.

Yuck. I miss the old me who laughed until she got face ache and talked about what her children would look like without wondering if she would end up adopting or childless.

I’m going to cook myself something nice now to cheer myself up and maybe let a little bit of hope creep in… But not too much.

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