Red blood and a BFN – 6dp5dt

Hello you lovely lot,

Today I see red. Red blood. Not enough to be AF yet, that will be the next couple of days.

Wow. What do you do when the ‘last resort’ fails to work first time? How do you scrape yourself up off the floor & keep going? Well, to be honest , right now I feel OK.

Things to take away from this first cycle:

I had NO side effects from the drugs. NONE.

The injections were a piece of cake. Even the cetrotide that I had to mix myself was easy peasy.

My low dosage produced the expected amount of eggs for mild IVF (2-8). This surely means that when we do it again, my dosage would remain the same. So hopefully no side effects next time either.

We learned that I have endometriosis. Before cycling again I should be able to have this removed by laparostic surgery. Whilst that is not something that I look forward to, it will be nice to be able to harvest eggs from both sides in the future!

Of the 3 mature eggs that they ICSI’d, ALL 3 FERTILISED. This is an incredible statistic. One that made me more happy than anything else.

Sedation for egg retrieval is amazing and next time we know to catch everything that I say on film for the next hour or so afterwards because my subconscious ramblings are HILARIOUS.

Our embryos were excellent quality.

By day 5, our embryos were 12 hours behind expectations. This is probably a useful piece of information. I look forward to discussing it with a doctor at a WTF meeting. I will try to refrain from googling!

I am 27. In 3 months I will turn 28. I probably won’t cycle again this year. I’d like to spend the rest of the year exercising, getting my head around this first failure & sorting out my endo and then start the new year in a better head space than this year.


Filed under IVF #1 - the aftermath, IVF Cycle #1

Brown blood and a BFN – 5dp5dt

Last night, for the first time, instead of these weird twinges, I felt like I was coming on. It was a proper AF like cramps. It only lasted a few seconds but then I was scared all night. I woke up this morning to lots of brown spotting. There really was quite a lot.

I decided to do an hpt as you never know, it might have cheered me up! It didn’t. Not even a whiff of a line.

Cue lots of tears and dramatics. Husband has gone into work a broken man and I went off to my acupuncture session & text my sister on the way to tell her. The acupuncturist isn’t even remotely concerned & she calmed me right down. When I turned my phone back on my sister had text me an essay on why brown blood is ok & she sent me millions of links to people who had brown blood before a BFP.

Tonight we’re out with friends celebrating the hubster’s birthday. I feel really guilty that he will have a rubbish birthday do now. The blood has stopped for now so fingers crossed it will stay away.

I’m now on my way into work for the first time in ages! Hoping it will be the distraction that I need.

I never thought this was going to be easy, but wow.


Filed under IVF #1 - the aftermath, IVF Cycle #1

Fighting the urge to test – 4dp5dt

Today is the last of my days off work. I scheduled an acupuncture appt for 9:30 tomorrow morning though so I’ll be about 4 hours late to work on my first day back. I like to ease myself back in! One day I’m going to blog about how to ruin your career in 10 easy steps.

Although at times it’s been difficult to relax, I have enjoyed the time off work. I’ve tried to stay away from google and apart from one day I’ve done a pretty good job of avoiding it. I’ve spent a fair bit of time reflecting on life in general and on the whole I feel pretty calm.

I have loved reading StupidStork‘s post about her husband and her marriage and the various posts inspired by that so I decided to do my own:

My husband

My husband is ambitious. Not in the desperate, back-stabbing, corporate sense, but as in he has goals and he works really hard to achieve them. This is undoubtedly the most attractive thing about him. He didn’t work hard at school despite being immensely intelligent and ended up working as a car mechanic for 5 years. He did this as he was passionate about cars and Motorsport and it was good fun. One day he decided that he was done with that and it was time to try a different career. He did some research and hit the books in his evenings and weekends. Right now he works as a Database Developer in an office. My dad once said that my husband reminds him of the Rudyard Kipling poem “If” – google it.

My family love him, and he loves them. We split up once when I was 17. My mum asked if he could still come round their house. He has the same sense of humour as my mum and they find each other hilarious.

He is arrogant and self-assured in a sexy way. I work in finance and am often surrounded by funny, good-looking, wealthy, eligible young men. Not so much in my current job though I must add!! These guys have on occasion graduated from acquaintances to real friends of mine. Not only does this not bother him in the slightest, soon after meeting him they tend to like him more than they like me! I went to drinks last week with a bunch of guys that I used to work with. I was asked by three different people where he was. They were all clearly disappointed that my better half wasn’t making an appearance.

He, much like road2ourbaby‘s husband, is addicted to milk. I have never seen anyone else drink so much of the stuff. He gets really cranky when we run out of it, like I do with chocolate.

On our first honeymoon I read 2 Dan Brown books & some magazines, he read a massive IT manual because he “doesn’t do fiction”. On our second honeymoon I read the Lord of the Rings trilogy and 4 magazines. He didn’t finish the one car magazine that he took. It was mainly pictures.

Our marriage

I really did marry my best friend. He always knows what I’m thinking and feeling, often before I do. I can be upset about something all day long and not show an ounce of emotion about it, then I’ll get home, he’ll take one look at me and say “whassup cutie?” and within seconds I’ll have snot bubbles.

We’re supportive of each other. When my GP told me that I may have PCOS & I should eat low GI foods he did it too and we lost 60lbs between us. When he got the severe male factor diagnosis I made it very clear that I was going nowhere and he was the love of my life. The first couple of nights after receiving the diagnosis I would wake up with him wrapped around me as if he thought I might leave. This broke my heart a little bit.

We regularly text each other the word BUM, which is shorthand for “god I wish I was in bed spooning your butt right now”. We set the alarm early enough that we can lay in bed snuggled up for half an hour every morning. Normally I’ll snuggle up behind him while he’s still half asleep. Then he’ll mumble “bum” and I know that it means he’s going to turn around and I should too so he can snuggle me.

We’ll be good parents. Our kids will be well educated, well loved, well looked after but most importantly their lives will be filled with so much fun and silliness that they will not go a day without laughing. Infertility has been a struggle but even at the lowest lows that man has always known how to raise a smile out of me. I don’t doubt for a second that he’ll be the same with our children. Right now I am feeling incredibly thankful.

Happy Thursday everybody!


Filed under IVF Cycle #1

2dp5dt – the start of the crazies

Yesterday’s sense of calm and serenity has upped and left.

Yesterday afternoon I felt some twinges in my lower abdomen. I think this is what set me off. Then my sister turned up to cook me dinner unannounced. Then my friend text me saying that she’s booked us into a spa for facials and pedicures tomorrow and it’s her treat. I welled up! People are being so incredibly nice. I really hope that I get a BFP so that I don’t need to test the limits of their helpfulness and kindness in a week or so!

I’m up and dressed and ready to face the day. Two days of laying around is enough to drive anyone mad. Plus it’s making my back ache… Or is that the babies? This is ridiculous. The embryos were 12hours behind so I really shouldn’t get excited. There is a little irritating part of me that keeps thinking that maybe they’re thriving now that they’re bak where they should be. Gah!!! My OTD is ages away.


Filed under IVF Cycle #1

I get by with a little help from my friends (and family)


I woke up this morning feeling really happy and contented. Yesterday was a really nice day & a really good example of how awesome my family can be.

The husband’s football season was just re-starting and as he’d accompanied me to all of the appts so far & been generally awesome I gave him the OK to play football while I had the transfer. My dad drove me and my mum to the hospital and sat in the car reading books for a good few hours while my mum joined me in the waiting room.

There were 5 ladies in for their transfers that day so 10 of us were called in to a little upstairs waiting rooms: 4 sets of husbands and wives and me and my mum. I was quite aware of the sympathetic, patronising gazes from the other ladies. Yes my husband loves me, yes he cares, but it is the first game of the season and he is their top striker – what’s a gal to do?!

I asked my mum if she thought they thought that we were a lesbian couple. She laughed and said that my little sister (who is 20, my mum is 50!) asked her the same thing the other day when they went out for coffee and cake. For some reason this really tickled me. The more I tried not to giggle, the worse I got. This set my mum off and pretty soon we were both crying with laughter. The 4 smug couples were all sat seriously in silence. At least one of them must have been wishing they’d brought their mum with them!

Next up we go through to the ward and we’re both given gowns. I get changed into my gear no problem but my mum is looking at hers pulling a confused face. Her “gown” appears to be a large, rectangular sheet with a small hole cut in it about 2 thirds of the way down, the hole was about the width of an average-sized neck. Around the edge of the hole was adhesive. We looked at it for a little while wondering if it could really be described as a gown. Then the man in the next cubicle said to his wife that his gown was strangling him. At this point my mum nearly tried shoving her head through the tiny, sticky hole but I stopped her and told her to ask the nurse what to do. The nurse laughed and said that she had given her the wrong thing & came back with a proper gown. We laughed so hard that I very nearly emptied my over-full bladder.

After the transfer my mum, dad and sister came round my house for the day. My husband BBQ’d some seriously good meat while my mum & dad prepared the salad & cleared everything away. I laid in the sun in my bikini all day (cue sunburn – ouch!) and didn’t have to lift a finger. As they were leaving I happened to mention that I was craving scones so my mum went to the shops, bought the ingredients, baked a batch, and drove them back to my house. AMAZING!

This got me thinking about how many people I have leaned on throughout this whole process so far and how valuable they have been. From my husband listening to every silly little worry and falling asleep with his hand on my womb last night, to my parents running around after me all day yesterday, to my friend who has booked Weds off work and is suggesting that we go and get some treatments together to help me relax – this same friend is catholic and has been lighting candles for my embryos – how cute! Last but definitely not least to each and every one of you who has liked or commented on my blog THANK YOU, I have walked every step of this journey with you so far and I hope that 9 months from now we are all mothers.

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Filed under IVF Cycle #1

Transfer day

Hey everybody!

I’m PUPO with TWINS, say hello:


There’s good news and bad news. Of the three embryos, one slowed and never quite made it to blast. The other two kept going. They were excellent quality & couldn’t be differentiated between. Both had not quite made it to fully blastocyst stage as you can see from the pic but they’re both nearly there.

The embryologist said that they were about 12 hours behind where she would expect them to be. They may just be slow developers or they could be about to give up. She didn’t seem overly concerned but she said that the guidelines that recommend only one embryo is transferred no longer apply so she was able to pop them both back.

So now I am taking it easy & trying to be positive… But not too positive! Wish me luck x


Filed under IVF Cycle #1

Why being filmed coming out of egg retrieval is a good thing…

Hi everybody,

Today is a beautiful day in the UK, probably one of the last beautiful days of the year, so we went to the butchers & bought every type of meat imaginable & then went to the shops and bought half a tonne of fruit & veg & salady bits. Later on the in laws will come over for a BBQ.

As there is nothing much to report on the IVF front today I thought I’d tell you all about my egg retrieval in more detail now that I am not too busy whining about only getting 4 eggs!

I remember the doc saying that the sedative would start to take effect any second & the next thing I remember is being wheeled into the recovery area. At this point I thought I was completely with it and normal but Mr Turtle tells it quite differently!

As soon as I looked at him he asked me how many eggs they got. I didn’t know at this point but instead of saying I don’t know yet I said, very confidently, “a million” at this point he realised that I was still quite sedated & smiled at the doctor who smiled back and said to him “she’s been very chatty”. Oh the shame! It’s a good job that I don’t have any secrets!

I wish that was where it ended. Then the doc came to take my blood pressure & I was asking him what it was & telling him that I normally have the resting heart rate of an athlete. Then a nurse offered a patient the other side of the ward a jammy dodger (a type of biscuit that is nice, but not even my favourite) and apparently I shouted across the ward “I want a jammy dodger!!!” in the same way that a 4 year old would.

At this point Mr Turtle knew that I would never believe that I’d done these things so he got his camera phone out. He told me that he was going to film me to which I responded (on film) “I’m a f*cking bad*ss” I then started waffling on about the embryologist. I was pulling a very serious face and I had my eyes shut. I wasn’t opening my mouth properly & I was slurring a bit but the main gist was “it was the same embryologist as at our co-ordination appt, which was good as she seemed confident and competent, which is nice.” haha! I’d be a very boring drug addict!!

Right now I have packed away the fridge food & I have left the rest as I’m really tired after last nights leaving drinks. I’m trying not to do too much round the house as I don’t want to tire myself out but at the same time there is so much that needs doing!

Enjoy your weekends, and send sticky thoughts to my embryo at 9:30am tomorrow (UK time). I’ll report back and let you know how it went then.


Filed under IVF Cycle #1

We’re doing a day 5 transfer

Another good news morning!

All three survived, all three are dividing nicely & all three are good quality… So I’m going in at half 9 Sunday morning for a day 5 transfer 🙂 she even said “well done” i’m so proud!!

They only put back one embryo when you’re younger than 35yrs old and it’s your first time & they don’t do a transfer until they can tell which embryo to put back and as they can’t differentiate the three that’s why we’re waiting another 2 days!

I can’t believe how well this is going so far. I’m hoping that this luck can continue. Implantation may be a challenge if my freshly discovered endo is bad. Who knows? It’s anyone’s guess. To celebrate tonight I am going to my friend’s leaving do. He’s always been one of my biggest drinking buddies so it’s going to be a challenge dodging the drinks but I’ll do it. I’ll come home early too, but I’m really looking forward to letting my hair down a bit. Now I’m off to find an outfit that disguises the bloat! X


Filed under IVF Cycle #1

Goooooooood morning!

Since the trigger shot on Sunday I have had night after night of blissful, uninterrupted, deep, no-dream sleep. I didn’t realise just how long I had gone without it.

I feel like I am slowly starting to resemble the lady that my husband married. I feel reaaaaaally happy. I don’t want this feeling to end.

Grow embies, grow. Stick embies, stick. Mummy loves you already!


Filed under IVF Cycle #1

Fertilisation report

Good morning everybody,

It’s good news! First of all, they called me at 08:52 am on day one after retrieval. How good is that?! I feel absolutely fine post retrieval so far, which is a relief.

Of the 4 eggs that they retrieved, 3 were mature. This was a real WTF moment as I thought they had said yesterday that they retrieved 4 mature eggs, in a way that suggested that perhaps they had retrieved 15 eggs but 4 were mature. But no, retrieved = 4, mature = 3.


Wahooooo! I was convinced that there would be nothing to put back but as it stands they have said that they will call me on Friday morning & let me know whether they will put them back that day (day 3) or if we will wait until Sunday (day 5).

This has all worked out perfectly as I’ve booked Friday onwards as holiday & I can go back to work tomorrow after having just 2 days off sick. I have even said that I will work from home today although I doubt I’ll get much done!

I feel like my normal self today. I had a great nights sleep last night & I’m in a good mood. I did insert the first of my cyclogest tablets this morning though so i guess we’ll see how long that lasts. I’m wearing granny pants and a sanitary towel round the back in anticipation! I wonder if my finger will ever feel clean again after 2 solid weeks of this!!


Filed under IVF Cycle #1