Tag Archives: bfn

It’s official: I’m mental

Hi everybody, my name is Hollie and I’m crazy. There I said it. That wasn’t so hard. Phew!

So I went to the doctor with my mum (or mom for those of you that don’t speak English ;-)) and we talked about the bleeding and the doctor said that as I’m being seen by specialists in November I should discuss that with them then. Then she signed me off sick for 2 weeks because she could tell that I need time to get over the emotional strain of my cycle – I think that translates as “you seem crazy, don’t go to work”!!! I haven’t been signed off work since I had my tonsils out when I was 20! She signed me off with anaemia so that work don’t know I’m crazy!

My boss has taken it well & we’ve agreed that I’ll finish off a few things from home today that are hanging over me & then I’ll relax for a bit. After the first week off I’ll start doing more from home before I go back to the office at the end of the 2 weeks.

This is good news. I’m full of energy and enthusiasm for getting old Hollie back. My husband says that when he rules the world I will be his “Ambassador of fun”, he isn’t being ironic, I am generally recognised as someone who is fun. I want to be her again.

So I’m coming up with some rules for my time off to make sure that that happens:

1. I will spend no more than 15minutes a day on Facebook, Twitter, babyandbump, WordPress and google.
2. I will exercise every week day and be active and outdoorsy at the weekends too.
3. I will cook a healthy, fresh, homemade meal every day.
4. I will get into housework routines that I can maintain whilst back at work without feeling overwhelmed.
5. If I want to bake, then I will bake. It makes me happy. I refuse to feel guilty about something that makes me happy at the moment.
6. I will fill at least 1 dustbin bag full of clutter each day until my house looks like I want it to look.

Does anybody have any other good rule suggestions?

Are any of you one of those people whose house is permanently tidy and clean? If so, got any tips for maintaining that and working full time?

I know it’s mad but I feel like having a baby can bring chaos & maybe if I spend the next few months organising myself a bit better then maybe that’s why it didn’t work this time: to give me a system to organise my life before a baby turns my world upside down in the best possible way. We’ll see I suppose! X


Filed under IVF #1 - the aftermath

Red blood and a BFN – 6dp5dt

Hello you lovely lot,

Today I see red. Red blood. Not enough to be AF yet, that will be the next couple of days.

Wow. What do you do when the ‘last resort’ fails to work first time? How do you scrape yourself up off the floor & keep going? Well, to be honest , right now I feel OK.

Things to take away from this first cycle:

I had NO side effects from the drugs. NONE.

The injections were a piece of cake. Even the cetrotide that I had to mix myself was easy peasy.

My low dosage produced the expected amount of eggs for mild IVF (2-8). This surely means that when we do it again, my dosage would remain the same. So hopefully no side effects next time either.

We learned that I have endometriosis. Before cycling again I should be able to have this removed by laparostic surgery. Whilst that is not something that I look forward to, it will be nice to be able to harvest eggs from both sides in the future!

Of the 3 mature eggs that they ICSI’d, ALL 3 FERTILISED. This is an incredible statistic. One that made me more happy than anything else.

Sedation for egg retrieval is amazing and next time we know to catch everything that I say on film for the next hour or so afterwards because my subconscious ramblings are HILARIOUS.

Our embryos were excellent quality.

By day 5, our embryos were 12 hours behind expectations. This is probably a useful piece of information. I look forward to discussing it with a doctor at a WTF meeting. I will try to refrain from googling!

I am 27. In 3 months I will turn 28. I probably won’t cycle again this year. I’d like to spend the rest of the year exercising, getting my head around this first failure & sorting out my endo and then start the new year in a better head space than this year.


Filed under IVF #1 - the aftermath, IVF Cycle #1

Brown blood and a BFN – 5dp5dt

Last night, for the first time, instead of these weird twinges, I felt like I was coming on. It was a proper AF like cramps. It only lasted a few seconds but then I was scared all night. I woke up this morning to lots of brown spotting. There really was quite a lot.

I decided to do an hpt as you never know, it might have cheered me up! It didn’t. Not even a whiff of a line.

Cue lots of tears and dramatics. Husband has gone into work a broken man and I went off to my acupuncture session & text my sister on the way to tell her. The acupuncturist isn’t even remotely concerned & she calmed me right down. When I turned my phone back on my sister had text me an essay on why brown blood is ok & she sent me millions of links to people who had brown blood before a BFP.

Tonight we’re out with friends celebrating the hubster’s birthday. I feel really guilty that he will have a rubbish birthday do now. The blood has stopped for now so fingers crossed it will stay away.

I’m now on my way into work for the first time in ages! Hoping it will be the distraction that I need.

I never thought this was going to be easy, but wow.


Filed under IVF #1 - the aftermath, IVF Cycle #1